Why do we like Taco Bell?
I did a Google Image search of Taco Bell in preparation for this post, which worried me at first (who knows what kind of pictures would show up? Taco Bell is the Walmart of what we Americans like to call “Mexican food”). Nothing bad happened, but it did stir up some other questions in me, like, does it really make us think outside the bun or is “the bun” just code for a big, Americanized heap of dirty buildings filled with delicious food?
Also, what ever happened to the Taco Bell dog? They replace Shamu every time he/she dies, so it couldn’t simply be the death of the Taco Bell dog.
Why is Taco Bell being such a smart aleck in this article/picture thing? Wasn’t our concern over the disgusting meat legitimate? Wouldn’t you be slightly concerned if you weren’t eating what you thought you were, Taco Bell? And anyway, it’s not like it stopped us from eating there for more than like, maybe two days tops. We came crawling right back through your doors once we realized that even McDonald’s was too expensive for our high school budget.
Most importantly, where is this perfect looking Taco Bell located? Why can’t my friendly neighborhood Taco Bell look like this? I’m sure this Taco Bell’s entrance doesn’t smell like sewage and broken dreams.
But I digress.
The main reason I’m upset is because Taco Bell conned my poor, vegetarian friend to buy their newish, expensive (in Taco BellLand) Cantina burrito thing, and it was the worst thing that I have ever tried to ingest.
You’re thinking, “but I thought you said your friend bought it!”
She did, and after her first bite, she looked alarmed. After giving her some recovery time, I asked her how it was, and she said it was the worst thing ever. Naturally, I couldn’t let that go, so I, too, tried the burrito.
It was Hell carefully contained in a grilled tortilla.
It was Pandora’s Box, and I took a bite of all of the bad in the world.
It was as if somebody made Trigonometry, Poetry Explications, Lab Write-Ups, and History Essay Tests that you forgot to study for into flavors and put them all together into one abominable creation.
If I could undo that single bite, I would, and I don’t know that I’ve ever said that about anything else in my entire life.
Thanks, Taco Bell.